dis·so·nance
/ˈdisənəns/
nounMUSIC
noun: dissonance; plural noun: dissonances
lack of harmony among musical notes.
a tension or clash resulting from the combination of two disharmonious or unsuitable elements.
nounPSYCHOLOGY
noun: cognitive dissonance
the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.
dis·place·ment
/disˈplāsmənt/
nounPSYCHOLOGY
noun: displacement; plural noun: displacements
the moving of something from its place or position.
Years ago, and I’m referencing over 30 years ago, I received a new guitar for my birthday (a black acoustic Celebrity by Ovation -the kind of guitar that has the hard fiberglass back and a built in pick-up, along with a faux fur inner lined hard wooden case for travel.) As a young musician desiring to enhance my guitar playing abilities, I was so excited. That guitar became a creative extension of myself as I took it everywhere and played it whenever I could throughout the years (co-leading large congregation worship sets at churches, leading youth and adult small group worship sets, traveling with it to foreign countries on mission trips, teaching one on one lessons, and playing for the occasional private gathering at home.) I had even painted the top of its’ case with a colorful impressionistic painting to give it a personalized touch.
And then one day, some years later, I noticed my beloved guitar gathering dust as it sat in it’s stand on display in a corner of my room. Although I had certainl experienced seasons of rest from playing it over the years, somewhere along the road, I had taken up painting to be my main expression of creativity and I had stopped playing my guitar altogether. I wasn’t sure how to reconcile my lack of interest in playing, I just knew that painting had become a more robust way of expressing myself creatively and, just as the guitar had been at one point, the paints and brushes and canvas had become an extension of myself. I was worshipping-ministering through painting in much bigger ways than I had ever done so with my guitar.
So the guitar continued to sit quietly collecting dust until one day a few years ago, it was announced at the end of a service by the worship leader at the church I was attending, that a missions team heading to Nicaragua was in immediate need of a guitar with a hard case for safe traveling to be donated for use there. My heart pounded in my chest and my mouth became dry. I knew in that moment that I was to donate my black guiar and colorful case that it could once again travel and be played. I practically ran towards the stage to notify the worship leader that I was the one who could meet that need, I had exactly the guitar and I was able to give it freely with joy. The team heading out was so thankful for my promptness and willingness to donate my guitar. I was able to quickly go home to gather it and bring it back to them. Without much thought otherwise, I said goodbye to my old faithful creative friend, wished it well into new musical adventures, and handed it over.
Shortly after that the team had posted a photo of the guitar being loaded onto the top of a vehicle in Nicaragua to be taken with them into villages I had never been to and to meet people that I had never met. Upon seeing the photo I smiled hugely knowing that once again my guitar was being played to honor God and that I had heard right about letting it go. After that I pretty much had forgotten about that guitar-not giving much thought to it all, as I was launching out into my own travels and adventures around the world through painting and ministering through the arts (within my art business, church art ministries and events, local city art community events, national art conferences, and global cross-cultural art ministry travels.)
Until recently…
I was at a graduation party for one of my neighbors and unexpectedly connected with an acquaintance from years ago who surprisingly shared with me some updated information about the whereabouts of my guitar. The guitar (as of last he knew) was happily homed with a Chin family (refugees from Burma-Myanmar) living in our local area. He knew of this information as he and his wife had been active in ministering to the Chin and Karen refugees from Burma that were living in our area. I was elated on so many levels (to have information as to the whereabouts of my beloved guitar and also to know that it continues to travel around and make music in honor of God.) The news of the guitar after all these years became a profound message to me. What once had been an extension of me was actually continuing to be an extension of worship and ministry far beyond me. And this message began speaking into and confirming other messages that have been spoken to me.
I fully believe that there are endless ways in how we can all be invited into the conversations God is having with people. Whatever our role is witin those conversations (whether we are physically present or not), we can have important influence and the ability to make a difference witin individual and corporate lives…we really do all matter. This is the paradoxical simplicity and complexity of being a part of the Body of Christ. God loves oollaboration and continues to include us in partnering with Him as He pours out His love to people.
But…as much as I don’t want to admit it, this recent conversation about my guitar has opened my eyes wider and revealed to me that I’ve had a very limited view and understanding of what my own ability of influence through my role and calling within ministry has been. Oh don’t get me wrong, as I’ve stated above, I know what’s possible and I fully believe it (in fact, I’ve had many people over the years speak numerous words of encouragement to me in how my role in ministry, even just my presence in a place makes a difference for the Kingdom.) Yet, even with this understanding and encouragement, I have tended to connect that with my actual physcial presence somewhere doing something. And I have often struggled within myself when (for whatever the reasons and circumstances) I am unable to actively travel someplace to minister through creativity in physical tangible ways or if I am (for whatever reasons and circumstances) inactive within my local art community and/or local church art ministry in physical tangible ways. It feels uncomfortable like dissonance in a musical piece. I mean I was meant for big things (in what has already been accomplished, in what is happening in the here and now, and in what is to take place in the future), I was meant for so much more, to go to the nations, I was meant to be active in the creative conversation…to go beyond….right?
My understanding has been so limiting and small. Which is what has caused my cognitive dissonance and feelings of displacement.
It’s as if I believed the scope of my influence only “mattered” if I was physically present somewhere directly engaging in conversations and activities. Where did I get this? Could it be from teachings I had received regarding ministry effectiveness or could it be from my own subconscious view perhaps part of deeper issue? It’s very “works” based thinking (striving for approval and acceptance-if not from others at least from myself to prove that I am who I say I am). And I don’t believe that my (or anyone elses’) worth and identiy is supposed to be based from striving to do good works and having a busy schedule filled with activity. Our worth and identity is solely from the God who is Love who loves and accepts us just as we are freely. I know this and I am so thankful for this Truth. And yet I must confess that in the moments when I have had no art travels planned on the schedule or my direct involvement in local art events and ministry responsibilities have been somewhat quiet (as in global pandemic effected 2020 and 2021) I have struggled with feeling like I’m not fulfilling my purpose and calling as an Artist and Art Minister, I have felt as if my life is “on hold” and I am impatient for things to change so I can get back to what I know how to “do”. It’s been a season of way more solitude than I’ve ever known and though I’ve tried my best to embrace it, I have also found myself somewhat depressed for lack of “proof” of active ministry involvement. My friends, this is such unhealthy and un-Jesus thinking. And you know however my prideful feelings have led me, the God who is Love has also been so gentle and kind revealing to me, that I’ve been limiting (in my mind) His scope of influence in the conversations He is already having with people. I’m so grateful for His love, mercy, grace, and forgiveness as He has been correcting me in this.
So…back to the guitar…
Gaining unexpected information about the whereabouts of the guitar and the realization that years ago (because of my heartfelt obedience to God in donating it for missions ministry) it has traveled to countries I’ve never personall physcially stepped foot in, and it has been played by people from other nations I have never personally physically met. It has had global creative adventures beyond what I could personally accomplish with my physicality. That which was once a part of me was freely given from me and God has continued to ripple out the influence of His Love beyond what I could have ever done with it if it had physically stayed with me.
And the Light shone in the darkness…and even the darkness isn’t dark to you Oh Lord.
It hit me like refreshing cold water that this revelation of rippling ministry influence goes FAR BEYOND the guitar. And in that revelation it is understood that any moment the Lord has prompted me to give something I physically had (from art supplies, paintings, books, music, clothing, resources, etc.-it’s endless in possibilities. to my time spent in listening, sharing, teaching, collaborating, mentoring, etc.-it’s endless in possibilities) to others for the purpose of ministry-or maybe I didn’t even know it would have a purpose at all but I was prompted to give, AND any moment I donated money into others’ ministries and missions and endeavors to encourage and help enhance as they were called to go and influence, AND any moment I have spent time in prayer for someone (either face to face or from a distance) along with prayer for the lives they care for and are in their spheres of influence (regardless of if I’m physically present or even know them personally)…this is all active ministry…God inviting me into the conversations He is already having with others for purpose and meaning (even if I never physcially see it or know it fully). I’ve always known this but recently it was shown to me on a much deeper level than I’ve understood it before and it has brought me to my knees with tears and gratitude.
BEYOND…
And isn’t this what I have said all along when I have talked about joining the creative conversation? We all matter no matter what our role and no matter how and when we come into the conversation. I’m thankful for the deeper understanding of this wiithin my own life and for this revelation of ripples giving recognition that God is SO MUCH BIGGER. And HE is WHO brings purpose, point, and peace within the dissonance and displacement felt.
I’ve been reading Watchman Nee’s book “Sit, Walk, Stand” published in 1957. It’s a tiny book speaking huge revelations from the Epistle of Paul to the Ephesians.
The following compilation of quotes from the book have become eye-opening to me:
“The Christian life from start to finish is based upon this principle of utter dependence uon the Lord Jesus. There is no limit to the grace God is wiliing to bestow upon us. He will give us everything but we can receive none of it except as we rest in Him “Sitting” is an attitude of rest. Something has been finished, work stops and we sit. It is paradoxical, but true, that we only advance in the Christian life as we learn first of all to sit down. …To sit down is simply to rest our whole weight-our load, ourselves, our future, everything-upon the Lord. We let Him bear the responsibility and cease to carry it ourselves. …The work is not initially ours at all, but His. It is not that we work for God, but that He works for us. God gives us our position of rest. He brings His Son’s finished work and presents it to us, and then He says to us, “Please sit.”…No Christian experience begins with walking, but always with a definite sitting down. The secret of deliverance from sin is not to do something, but to rest on what God has done. …God is waiting till you cease to do. When you cease doing, then God will begin. …Once you have ceased to struggle, He will do everything. God is waiting for you to despair. …Stop “giving” and you will prove what a Giver God is! Stop “working” and you will discover what a Worker He is!”
It doesn’t make sense but together we’ve been a part of the rippling effect of God’s Love far beyond and in far bigger ways than we could ever imagine or hope for. Dear faithful heart, do not give up. Even when we are at rest, God has been, is, and will continue to be at work.
par·a·dox
/ˈperəˌdäks/
noun
noun: paradox; plural noun: paradoxes
a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement or proposition that when investigated or explained may prove to be well founded or true.
be·yond
/bēˈänd/
preposition
preposition: beyond
at or to the further side of.
